After the loneliest 9 months of my life suffering with Hyperemesis Gravidarum for the second time, I wanted to write it all down in the hope that it might bring some comfort to anyone who needs it.
Thank you for sharing your entire journey with us, Em! I am currently 8 months pregnant and have suffered with HG for pretty much my entire pregnancy. It is single-handedly the most horrific and soul destroying thing I have ever experienced and it is so hard to find the light in it. Your posts and your openness have really helped me get through and to feel a little bit less lonely so thank you ❤️ Huge congratulations to you and your whole family for making it through and enjoy your freedom ❤️
I'm so so glad you've shared this, not least in a "safer" space. I had HG with my first pregnancy 20 years ago and can still recall the sense of shame I felt as I wasn't "managing" as well as other expectant mums I knew. I assumed this meant I'd be a terrible mother and I fell into a horrendous antenatal depression. All of that lifted immediately after I had my beloved son (the endless nausea, sickness and depression all vanished) but it would have helped so much had others at the time had the courage (or indeed the means/platform - this was 2004) to share their story. Reading this has been deeply healing for me and I'm sure many others and, for those who travelled this journey at the same time as you did, I cannot imagine how your candour must have helped them. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Sending so much love to you and your beautiful family ❤️
I am so pleased you have used your platform to share your story. I reached out to you in your inbox knowing you were likely inundated with messages from other HG mothers trying to lift you up and remind you of that light you are seeing now.
I have had four HG pregnancies. All 4 I had some real large weight loss. I was on medication. Drips. Bed ridden. (Even the first HG pregnancy I was still sick until he was 3 days old whilst the hormones left. Either that or I over indulged)!
My last pregnancy was almost 9 years ago now. I still carry that HG trauma I feel as I have never had the support or addressed it and instead have suppressed it until I’ve needed to support another mother going through it where I shed my light.
I remember being so terribly ill with my second that I called an ambulance as I couldn’t even stand. I really struggled to walk. I was crawling to the bathroom. The ambulance came and the woman paramedic looked me dead in the face and told me it was just morning sickness and they weren’t a taxi service that would take me to hospital. She ignored me the entire trip to hospital. That was 13 years ago and I haven’t forgotten. I have to say the minute I was admitted into the ward though the nurse profusely apologised and got me on a drip in 30 mins from entering the doors. I imagine it was the fainting that did that. However it carried with me through other pregnancies and I didn’t ever reach out for help, I had to be admitted on arrival of appointments or other people call on my behalf. My mum came over and said I already looked dead/skeletal. I didn’t want to feel a burden when I was already in my eyes fading away.
On a more positive note I managed to offer my blood tests to science for them to test the causes of HG. They took every single blood test for research and for that it’s a small slice of positive I had from the experience. Hoping it will help others in the near future.
Now to anyone going through it. Who is spitting into a vessel, Who is dreaming of swimming with their mouths open (this was me), running water into your mouth to spit it back out, to sucking on a wet flannel… the list goes on, this will end!
It ends. It will get better. It will finish. You will remember but it won’t consume you anymore.
Fizz was the only thing that I could swallow in small capacity. For me it was frozen peas and anything that taste wouldn't linger. Watermelon frozen is a good one for summer also. I can’t actually remember eating anything else at all. It was brutal!
Just don’t be harsh on yourself. Advocate for yourself also. Don’t feel bad asking for help. You are not being dramatic!! It is the worst to date I have ever felt. It’s not for the weak. You fight your mind and body daily for 9 months to the extremes. Give yourself grace. Love yourself. It will be over soon! Xx
Thank you for sharing, you have more or less described my entire pregnancy journey from 13 years ago! Huge congratulations to you and your amazing family enjoy being free from HG for now xxx
Wow. I needed this article when I was suffering from severe HG 12 years ago with my daughter. Nobody understands unless you’ve been to the darkest depths, alone, when you should be celebrating creating a life. This perfectly summaries every dark moment in a journey through HG. In regards to potentially growing your family in the future - I was so grateful to have a GP deeply invested in my second pregnancy (she saw me in ketosis, sent me in ambulances for rehydration several times, losing 20% of my body weight - truly horrendous). I consulted with her just before we considered conceiving again. She made a plan to gradually build the antiemetic medication in my system, so it was adequately controlled before we conceived. Started 2 months before I was pregnant. It worked. I was sick more than normal ‘morning sickness’ but the more debilitating HG symptoms (no drink, food, energy, head spins, smells, gagging, feeling dead inside etc etc) were gone! It needs to be controlled before the pregnancy hormones reach the HG trigger level. I stayed on the meds for the whole second pregnancy and it never got to the point of rehydration in hospital, no constant scans checking my daughters growth, no rehydration, no weight loss and none of the trauma I experienced with my first pregnancy.
I started taking the meds too far gone into my first pregnancy and we all know you are then stuck in a cycle of meds, sickness & rehydration in hospital until you give birth.
I just wanted to give you hope that there are ways to try & avoid the ‘full’ HG devastation with a supportive medical team who are willing to advocate and trial new treatments with patients (rare unfortunately, with HG) but it sounds like you already have this ready to discuss with your medical team for a potential next time! It may not work for everyone, but this was my journey.
Wishing you all the very best and thank you for this raw, hugely relatable and inspiring story of your journey. Enjoy your gorgeous family and the FOOD X
Thank you for this comment! I had HG with my first baby 3 years ago and I really want another but the thought of having HG with a lively toddler fills me with dread and desperation. Your story gives hope that I could maybe go the route you did and hopefully be functional through the next pregnancy x
I have been following your story and I am so glad you are feeling better. Wishing you lots of soft play visits, sitting through ballet lessons and every type of food you want to eat! Enjoy these years as it goes so fast and before you know it they are off to university and you wonder where it has all gone! Xx
It's not a reflection of you're strength. Please don't forget that you have done it once and that's you're a bloody hero to have gotten through that. I imagine the desire to have a second versus the desire to not feel like hell on wheels weighs out differently for different people.
I resonate with everything you said here and I SO hope that a journalist does see this and feel the desire to do something long form, perhaps exposing the huge inequalities in care for HG that exist in this country at the the same time as sharing a detailed experience of HG. I feel if people understood it they wouldn't tolerate the lack of funding and appalling advice so many women are given. I'm so happy that you are now basking in your hard earned sunshine. Enjoy the rest and recovery.
Thank you so much xxxxx I had a HG pregnancy with my beautiful daughter and have thus far not gone back for a second pregnancy because of unresolved trauma. Your essay put words to what I experienced. Thank you thank you thank you xxxxxxx
Crying hysterically here. I’m 14 weeks into my second pregnancy & whilst I haven’t suffered with HG in either, I’ve really struggled with bad nausea & exhaustion leaving me in this kinda odd grey area of not “glowing” but definitely not enduring what every poor HG mother has to. Regardless, I am struggling & the guilt is overwhelming. Everything you’ve described from not being able to parent my toddler, missing out on memories with him, feeling like I’ve run a marathon just by getting out of bed and having nothing else to talk about, but mostly I feel such minimal connection with this baby because I don’t feel pregnant, I just feel really ill. I have close friends who are struggling to conceive, and of course I am BEYOND grateful to have been so lucky to conceive & be making my second baby, but it makes it hard to then be real with friends & say, hey I’m sorry I’m shit right now, I just feel like death. However thanks to you & some other accounts on IG I feel much less lonely this time round, so thank you. The dread you describe of each day looming & bringing these symptoms with it again is so accurate. Thank you & the biggest congratulations. It’s incredible to see you have your sparkle again ✨
Wow. What a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you so much for being so honest, vulnerable and thoughtful in your writing. I have followed you for many years & I am so thrilled that you are feeling so much more yourself. I am in complete awe of what you’ve been through & think this article will be an incredible support to many women and their families now and in the future. I am in my 3rd year of 4, training to be a psychotherapist, and I’m sure some of my clients will find great comfort in your writing too. I will definitely be sharing it on. I think you may just have a book in you about this Em, what do you think? I really hope a publisher picks this up. It’s a story that deserves more than 4000 words xxx much love
WOW!!!!! I cried my eyes out reading this, and I'm not even pregnant or have ever had H.G. Your words, honesty and humanity moved me to tears all the way through. I know that many women and partners family members hopefully employers, will read this and feel so much empathy or anyone impacted by this, feel less alone, feel less isolated, cry, feel hopefully more hopeful. This is a beautiful piece of writing, one which I will come back to, to read again. Thank you for sharing and I loved what you said about sharing your scars not your wounds. A devastatingly moving and beautiful piece of writing ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤️ your words have explained all of my inner thoughts whilst suffering through my pregnancies, HG has always been something I’ve found hard to describe but reading this the tears flowed for how accurate you portrayed it all ❤️
Thank you so much for this. Currently sat sobbing reading this as I am 33 weeks pregnant and have been struggling with HG since week 2 but was in denial of what it was. This is such a comfort in the struggle and a reminder that this is not a "normal" pregnancy that I am just rubbish at dealing with.
I have had so many questions about if I would have a second and honestly it feels impossible at this point but reading your article is a great reminder of why I am doing through this and that the light is coming. Thank you!
So deeply moved by this article and your writing Em. I am sadly not someone who will ever be able to conceive and carry a child but in sharing your story albeit a very very tough one I applaud you and I’m so happy to hear of the safe delivery of Xanthe. It’s so important for women to share, to create community for each other and to speak the truth. So so powerful. I always follow along with all your highs and lows - and even in the tough times you continue to inspire. Sending best wishes to you and your amazing family x
Thank you for sharing your entire journey with us, Em! I am currently 8 months pregnant and have suffered with HG for pretty much my entire pregnancy. It is single-handedly the most horrific and soul destroying thing I have ever experienced and it is so hard to find the light in it. Your posts and your openness have really helped me get through and to feel a little bit less lonely so thank you ❤️ Huge congratulations to you and your whole family for making it through and enjoy your freedom ❤️
I'm so so glad you've shared this, not least in a "safer" space. I had HG with my first pregnancy 20 years ago and can still recall the sense of shame I felt as I wasn't "managing" as well as other expectant mums I knew. I assumed this meant I'd be a terrible mother and I fell into a horrendous antenatal depression. All of that lifted immediately after I had my beloved son (the endless nausea, sickness and depression all vanished) but it would have helped so much had others at the time had the courage (or indeed the means/platform - this was 2004) to share their story. Reading this has been deeply healing for me and I'm sure many others and, for those who travelled this journey at the same time as you did, I cannot imagine how your candour must have helped them. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Sending so much love to you and your beautiful family ❤️
I am so pleased you have used your platform to share your story. I reached out to you in your inbox knowing you were likely inundated with messages from other HG mothers trying to lift you up and remind you of that light you are seeing now.
I have had four HG pregnancies. All 4 I had some real large weight loss. I was on medication. Drips. Bed ridden. (Even the first HG pregnancy I was still sick until he was 3 days old whilst the hormones left. Either that or I over indulged)!
My last pregnancy was almost 9 years ago now. I still carry that HG trauma I feel as I have never had the support or addressed it and instead have suppressed it until I’ve needed to support another mother going through it where I shed my light.
I remember being so terribly ill with my second that I called an ambulance as I couldn’t even stand. I really struggled to walk. I was crawling to the bathroom. The ambulance came and the woman paramedic looked me dead in the face and told me it was just morning sickness and they weren’t a taxi service that would take me to hospital. She ignored me the entire trip to hospital. That was 13 years ago and I haven’t forgotten. I have to say the minute I was admitted into the ward though the nurse profusely apologised and got me on a drip in 30 mins from entering the doors. I imagine it was the fainting that did that. However it carried with me through other pregnancies and I didn’t ever reach out for help, I had to be admitted on arrival of appointments or other people call on my behalf. My mum came over and said I already looked dead/skeletal. I didn’t want to feel a burden when I was already in my eyes fading away.
On a more positive note I managed to offer my blood tests to science for them to test the causes of HG. They took every single blood test for research and for that it’s a small slice of positive I had from the experience. Hoping it will help others in the near future.
Now to anyone going through it. Who is spitting into a vessel, Who is dreaming of swimming with their mouths open (this was me), running water into your mouth to spit it back out, to sucking on a wet flannel… the list goes on, this will end!
It ends. It will get better. It will finish. You will remember but it won’t consume you anymore.
Fizz was the only thing that I could swallow in small capacity. For me it was frozen peas and anything that taste wouldn't linger. Watermelon frozen is a good one for summer also. I can’t actually remember eating anything else at all. It was brutal!
Just don’t be harsh on yourself. Advocate for yourself also. Don’t feel bad asking for help. You are not being dramatic!! It is the worst to date I have ever felt. It’s not for the weak. You fight your mind and body daily for 9 months to the extremes. Give yourself grace. Love yourself. It will be over soon! Xx
Thank you for sharing, you have more or less described my entire pregnancy journey from 13 years ago! Huge congratulations to you and your amazing family enjoy being free from HG for now xxx
Wow. I needed this article when I was suffering from severe HG 12 years ago with my daughter. Nobody understands unless you’ve been to the darkest depths, alone, when you should be celebrating creating a life. This perfectly summaries every dark moment in a journey through HG. In regards to potentially growing your family in the future - I was so grateful to have a GP deeply invested in my second pregnancy (she saw me in ketosis, sent me in ambulances for rehydration several times, losing 20% of my body weight - truly horrendous). I consulted with her just before we considered conceiving again. She made a plan to gradually build the antiemetic medication in my system, so it was adequately controlled before we conceived. Started 2 months before I was pregnant. It worked. I was sick more than normal ‘morning sickness’ but the more debilitating HG symptoms (no drink, food, energy, head spins, smells, gagging, feeling dead inside etc etc) were gone! It needs to be controlled before the pregnancy hormones reach the HG trigger level. I stayed on the meds for the whole second pregnancy and it never got to the point of rehydration in hospital, no constant scans checking my daughters growth, no rehydration, no weight loss and none of the trauma I experienced with my first pregnancy.
I started taking the meds too far gone into my first pregnancy and we all know you are then stuck in a cycle of meds, sickness & rehydration in hospital until you give birth.
I just wanted to give you hope that there are ways to try & avoid the ‘full’ HG devastation with a supportive medical team who are willing to advocate and trial new treatments with patients (rare unfortunately, with HG) but it sounds like you already have this ready to discuss with your medical team for a potential next time! It may not work for everyone, but this was my journey.
Wishing you all the very best and thank you for this raw, hugely relatable and inspiring story of your journey. Enjoy your gorgeous family and the FOOD X
Thank you for this comment! I had HG with my first baby 3 years ago and I really want another but the thought of having HG with a lively toddler fills me with dread and desperation. Your story gives hope that I could maybe go the route you did and hopefully be functional through the next pregnancy x
I needed this. Thank you so much!!
I have been following your story and I am so glad you are feeling better. Wishing you lots of soft play visits, sitting through ballet lessons and every type of food you want to eat! Enjoy these years as it goes so fast and before you know it they are off to university and you wonder where it has all gone! Xx
Thank you for sharing and raising awareness. I am trying to make peace with the fact I can’t put myself through this again. Im not as strong x
It's not a reflection of you're strength. Please don't forget that you have done it once and that's you're a bloody hero to have gotten through that. I imagine the desire to have a second versus the desire to not feel like hell on wheels weighs out differently for different people.
You aren’t alone xxx
I resonate with everything you said here and I SO hope that a journalist does see this and feel the desire to do something long form, perhaps exposing the huge inequalities in care for HG that exist in this country at the the same time as sharing a detailed experience of HG. I feel if people understood it they wouldn't tolerate the lack of funding and appalling advice so many women are given. I'm so happy that you are now basking in your hard earned sunshine. Enjoy the rest and recovery.
Thank you so much xxxxx I had a HG pregnancy with my beautiful daughter and have thus far not gone back for a second pregnancy because of unresolved trauma. Your essay put words to what I experienced. Thank you thank you thank you xxxxxxx
Crying hysterically here. I’m 14 weeks into my second pregnancy & whilst I haven’t suffered with HG in either, I’ve really struggled with bad nausea & exhaustion leaving me in this kinda odd grey area of not “glowing” but definitely not enduring what every poor HG mother has to. Regardless, I am struggling & the guilt is overwhelming. Everything you’ve described from not being able to parent my toddler, missing out on memories with him, feeling like I’ve run a marathon just by getting out of bed and having nothing else to talk about, but mostly I feel such minimal connection with this baby because I don’t feel pregnant, I just feel really ill. I have close friends who are struggling to conceive, and of course I am BEYOND grateful to have been so lucky to conceive & be making my second baby, but it makes it hard to then be real with friends & say, hey I’m sorry I’m shit right now, I just feel like death. However thanks to you & some other accounts on IG I feel much less lonely this time round, so thank you. The dread you describe of each day looming & bringing these symptoms with it again is so accurate. Thank you & the biggest congratulations. It’s incredible to see you have your sparkle again ✨
Wow. What a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you so much for being so honest, vulnerable and thoughtful in your writing. I have followed you for many years & I am so thrilled that you are feeling so much more yourself. I am in complete awe of what you’ve been through & think this article will be an incredible support to many women and their families now and in the future. I am in my 3rd year of 4, training to be a psychotherapist, and I’m sure some of my clients will find great comfort in your writing too. I will definitely be sharing it on. I think you may just have a book in you about this Em, what do you think? I really hope a publisher picks this up. It’s a story that deserves more than 4000 words xxx much love
WOW!!!!! I cried my eyes out reading this, and I'm not even pregnant or have ever had H.G. Your words, honesty and humanity moved me to tears all the way through. I know that many women and partners family members hopefully employers, will read this and feel so much empathy or anyone impacted by this, feel less alone, feel less isolated, cry, feel hopefully more hopeful. This is a beautiful piece of writing, one which I will come back to, to read again. Thank you for sharing and I loved what you said about sharing your scars not your wounds. A devastatingly moving and beautiful piece of writing ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤️ your words have explained all of my inner thoughts whilst suffering through my pregnancies, HG has always been something I’ve found hard to describe but reading this the tears flowed for how accurate you portrayed it all ❤️
Thank you so much for this. Currently sat sobbing reading this as I am 33 weeks pregnant and have been struggling with HG since week 2 but was in denial of what it was. This is such a comfort in the struggle and a reminder that this is not a "normal" pregnancy that I am just rubbish at dealing with.
I have had so many questions about if I would have a second and honestly it feels impossible at this point but reading your article is a great reminder of why I am doing through this and that the light is coming. Thank you!
So deeply moved by this article and your writing Em. I am sadly not someone who will ever be able to conceive and carry a child but in sharing your story albeit a very very tough one I applaud you and I’m so happy to hear of the safe delivery of Xanthe. It’s so important for women to share, to create community for each other and to speak the truth. So so powerful. I always follow along with all your highs and lows - and even in the tough times you continue to inspire. Sending best wishes to you and your amazing family x